Thankful Thursday: What a great week!

What a change a week can make! This week has been exactly what I needed. We had nothing planned. I have been cleaning house, getting stuff sorted for the yard sale I am going to have some day, and other than I couple errand runs I haven't even left the house.  I have had such a needed down week that I can't help but be thankful for a whole bunch of things this week so grab a cup of coffee and settle in cause it is a long list!

• Lucy the lab is still here. It was close. We have had her for 8 years and I would hate to have to find her a new home. But I have a set rule around here. Simply enough, I LOVE animals and if you don't have a home you can live here, but if you pee or poop in my house you live somewhere else. That said I think the new fence is working. I just wish she understood she could still live inside if she went to the bathroom outside. I also wish I knew what it is that cause this sudden fear of going outside after 8 years. Me with an agoraphobic dog who woulda thought LOL. But I am thankful that she is still here.

• I am < this close to having my house put back the way I want it so I can start concentrating on my school work. I am ready to dive in head first and try to knock these classes out! I am so thankful for the time I have to get this done.

• The classes I am about to start are fun ones. Classroom management, Diversity in Education, Lesson planning, the "real" classes instead of trying to finish up the general ed stuff that didn't transfer. I am so so thankful to be done with those.

• My garden is producing food! We had fresh green beans to eat. I wasn't crazy about them. It is the first time we tried that variety and they are kinda fuzzy :(  BUT... I never feel as close to my grandmother as I do when I am picking fresh stuff from the garden or the tree. I miss her so much but I am so thankful that I have the memories I have with her. I love those couple month out of the year that my garden is like a visit from her.

• I am thankful that VBS is over and done. I am thankful that God used it to plant some seeds and to build our church up as a family. The kids had fun. The decorations came down and were sent to another church to use. I am also thankful that God used VBS this year as a huge growing experience for me. I learned so much a myself and what God's plans are for me this year.

• I am thankful for the new pillows that we bought last night. I didn't wake up with a neck/shoulder ache for the first time in months. Why it took me this long to figure out I needed a new pillow I don't know but I am thankful I finally figured it out.

• I am so very very thankful that I discovered audible books. I never used to listen to books. I LOVE to read why would I want to listen to a book. But my reading obsessively got in the way of my getting things done. I would choose to sit down and read any day of the week over doing just about anything else. Now I have the best of both worlds. I listen to books while I get stuff done and then I read guilt free when I am finished. Yes I am really really thankful for audible books!

• I am thankful it isn't so hot today. While it hasn't been Texas hot here, the humidity kills me. I know people laugh about the whole "but it is a dry heat" thing but I am telling you I had rather have 110 dry than 90 with 100% humidity any day of the week.

• The new study we are starting for the summer with my ladies bible study is looking really really good. I am excited about reading it. I will miss seeing them every week as we are doing this study online but still I think the book will be GREAT! I am thankful not only for the study but for the ladies. What a blessing and a half they are.

Okay I guess that is enough of the long winded stuff here is the list from my journal for this week:

Chickens moved.
VBS done.
Kids home.
No where to go.
Thunderstorms.
Comfy couch.
New things learned about old friends.
Grass mowed.
New audible credits.
Flowers revived.



Hope you all have a very thankful week!

Shell

Go Ahead and Blink

There is a country song out right now by Kenny Chesney called "Don't Blink". Believe me with my youngest going into middle school and the oldest a teenager I understand what he is saying. My time with them is going so fast. My time as a "young" person is going so fast. 40 is still young right?

I have a friend who has a friend who is sharing people's stories on her blog. That is a neat idea but those of you who know me know my story wouldn't fit in a blog. I mean I could come up with a condensed version of course but there would be no way to do it justice. No way to explain the exitement, the loss, the hardship, the starting over, the mistakes, the loss, the heartbreak, the starting over and then finally getting it right in a short blog. I would have to pick and choose what parts to tell and that isn't fair to any part of my story or to the people who lived it with me.  But that led me to another thought ... everything, and I do mean EVERYTHING, can change in the blink of an eye. The life you thought you would have can be gone. Just like that. In a blink. And that can be a very sad thing. Then you wish you didn't blink, you wish you hadn't of missed a single minute.

But there is a flip side to that coin. When things are really really bad. When you have made mistakes and aren't sure what you are going to do. When your heart is broken. When you are in a bad situation whether it is of your own or someone else's doing. When you don't think you can take anymore... Go ahead and blink because those times pass too. EVERYTHING can change in the blink of an eye even the bad stuff. One choice, one decision, one change, and everything can change for the better. So if life is good go ahead and do your best to keep your eyes open. Charish each and every moment but if things are bad go ahead and blink because "this too shall pass". As cliche as it might sound it is true.

Shell

The kids and chores.

My kids don't do chores. They do help around here if I tell them to but they don't have specific daily chores. I think they should. I even make plans to make it happen. I have done all kinds of simple charts, complicated charts, colorful charts, re-writable charts, permanent charts.

I worry all the time about what that is teaching them. They can't go about the rest of their lives only doing something if they are asked ignoring the daily stuff that needs to be done. That is always my focus. Not now but the rest of lives.

I don't know if I should make ANOTHER chore list. We really do have to do something. Summer is here and Timothy was on the xbox at 8:30. Caitie is laying in front of the TV. They would both stay there all day if I let them. Not just one day. We all need an occasional down day.  But we aren't talking occasionally, they would do this everyday all day if I let them.  That just isn't going to work.

Our biggest problem is that I make the plan and then I forget to remind them.  I can make a new plan. I like making new plans. But making a plan isn't the issue. I am not good at making them do it. Maybe I need to buy a t-shirt that says "THE ENFORCER" and wear it everyday. The one time I did good with the routine was after Timothy told me the reason he didn't do his chores is because I didn't "enforce" the routine. I got mad and then I made it my mission to make sure he did his stuff every single day. It worked. Until I forgot again.

I thought that eventually they would get old enough that I didn't have to remind them to do their chores but instead they have just gotten old enough to have an attitude about doing them. Parenting isn't it fun!

Shell

Finally our REAL summer break begins.

This year has been kinda strange. They moved our 4-H week to the week right after school gets out. Then we had VBS the next week. So any summer break plans we had had to be put off until this week. So here we are our first week off. We have no big plans for the week really other than a trip to Water Country at some point we are kinda staying close to home.

Things are a bit (that means huge) of a mess around here after a week of VBS so the first thing on the agenda is cleaning up. The kids are already complaining. Oh well too bad so sad baby doll. I am not spending the summer in a disaster zone so it is major clean up time around here.

Anyway here is the plan for today:

Pick up the downstairs
Put away all 4-H camp stuff (yes a week later the kids camp stuff is still in  my foyer)
Put away all the clean clothes (I did laundry but we are living out of baskets until they are put away)
Do something about Lucy (our lab) to get her out of the kitchen
Mop the kitchen floor that I JUST mopped Saturday before Lucy broke the fence *sigh*

Wish me luck. It may not look like a huge job but believe me if you could see the mess I have over here you would know I don't have a chance of getting this all done today.  But hey you know me, ever the over planning optimist, so I am going to try!

Shell

Enjoying Now or Waiting Till Later

This is the stage in the sanctuary where the opening and closing happen. Don't you just feel like you are in a bamboo forest full of fun loving pandas?

This is up in the bible story room. Amanda Adams does the most amazing job turning her room into the scene from the story.

Craft time fun in Miss Rita's room. She always has so many teen helpers that want to work with her I have to go steal some of them to do other jobs!










Group prayer time in the Chadder room. You should see some of the great examples these kids came up with for how they saw God working in their lives. If only we could see the world the way a child does!













Here are the preschool group taking a break from all the singing and laughing and learning to play on the playground.








Vacation Bible School is over. Another year done. It is always a busy fun week. Because the directors job is done (most of it anyway) before it even starts I am usually pretty tired of VBS before the opening on the first night even starts. Then after a day or two of wishing the week were over because I am VBS-ed out I start to enjoy myself. I watch the kids and see how much fun they are having. I hang out in the Sanctuary and talk to the music crew. I start to really have fun.... and then it is over.

How often do we do that? How often do we waste a great time wishing it were over or looking forward to the next thing?  I know as a mom I did it with my kids. When they were tiny babies all I wanted was for them to sleep more. Then when they did I missed rocking them in the middle of the night. Then all I wanted was for them walk. Then I missed the days I didn't have to chase them all over creation.  Next I wanted them to go to school so I could have just one moments peace all to myself. Then I missed the fact that I didn't have any little kids to play with and fill my day.

I don't know if it is a grass is always greener kinda thing or if it is just simply that when things get crazy my brain starts looking forward to a time when the immediate stress will be gone but what I do know is I miss a lot of really cool fun stuff waiting to enjoy myself until __________ happens.

Shell

Freaky Foot Fingers aka Toes

A couple of few years ago I started going to a nail salon here in town called Naturals. They don't do artificial nails but they do wonderful manicures for your natural nails. I thought to myself that this just might be the job for me.  They stand there all day doing nails which looked liked fun and they just hangout in there and talk to all the customer while they do their nails. I even went so far as to check to see what kind of training I would need. I think I am on to something I thought.

But then.... It occurred to me. If you do manicures you also have to do pedicures. I would have to **shudder** touch people's feet.  Feet are weird. I don't want to touch people's feet. Okay actually it isn't their feet that bother me. It is the toes.  Weird little finger things on the end of your feet. Foot fingers. Weird.

Don't ask me why. I don't have a reason. Toes just creep me out. I told Dan that is why people hide them in their shoes. Because they are weird.  Now of course my family knows about this and after years of me saying saying "Get your feet off me" someone who shall remain nameless -Dan- finally figured out it wasn't the feet it was the toes. When you use them to pinch with or wiggle them like little foot fingers it just totally creeps me out. So now that my family is on to me they are torturing me daily with their toes YUCK!

I am not sure yet what I am going to do about it but let me tell you drastic measures will soon be taken. I will get revenge on the freaky foot fingers.

Shell

In the middle of my little mess, I forget how big I'm Blessed (Thankful Thursday)

I was listening to Francesca Battistell's song "This is the Stuff" this week and it reminded me of the all the things I thought I learned while reading Ann Voskamp's One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are. Oh how quickly we forget what we don't practice everyday.

This has been a crazy month. June has flown by and I have been so overwhelmed by commitments I made that I never should have made in the first place. I haven't taken the time to read. I don't remember the last time I had any kind of quiet time. I haven't written in my Thankfulness journal in almost two weeks. I have allowed the crazy busy stuff to overtake my life.  During all the rushing and the running and the planning and everything I forgot to be thankful. I misplaced my Joy. That wonderful beautiful Joy that comes from seeing all the things around me to be thankful for.  It is a special soul deep Joy that comes from being amazed. A childlike Joy that says "WOW" that is awesome.  Funny how little song could stop me in my tracks and help me find my Joy again.

Here are the lyrics:
THIS IS THE STUFF LYRICS - FRANCESCA BATTISTELLI

I lost my keys in the great unknown
And call me please
Cause I can't find my phone

(CHORUS)
This is the stuff
That drives me crazy
This is the stuff
That's getting to me lately
In the middle of my little mess
I forget how big I'm blessed
This is the stuff
That gets under my skin
But I've gotta trust
You know exactly what Your doing
Might not be what I would choose
But this is the stuff You use

45 in a 35
Sirens and fines
While I'm running behind

(CHORUS)

To break me of impatience
Conquer my frustrations
I've got a new appreciation
It's not the end of the world...

This is the stuff
That drives me crazy
This is the stuff
Someone save me
In the middle of my little mess
I forget how big I'm blessed
This is the stuff
That gets under my skin
But I've gotta trust
You know exactly what Your doing
Might not be what I would choose
But this is the stuff You use


Here is the video:

So anyway this is Thankful Thursday so here is a list. not from my journal since I didn't write in it but a list all the same:

The cool weather this morning.

A fence fixed.
A dog free house.
VBS going well.
Lessons learned.
School out.
A clean kitchen.
Green Beans just about ready.
A trip to Water Country.
Red birds and Blue Jays.
Figs starting to grow.


Have a Thankful Day!

Shell

It's Pandamania! Why do we have Vacation Bible School?

So this is VBS week. The theme this year is Panda's. Ok actually the theme is "God is Wild About You" but there are panda's everywhere thus the name "Pandamania".  I was looking at the numbers last night and realized we have almost as many workers as we have kids. It takes A LOT of work to pull off a full blown VBS.  It also cost a pretty large amount of money.

So the question becomes why do we do it.  That is what we need to ask ourselves. Do we do it because as a church we have always done it? Do we do it because it is what churches are supposed to do? Are we using it as a recruiting tool trying to get new families to come to our church.  Is it for unchurched kids or is it for churched kids?  I am not suggesting we should toss out VBS.  I still remember going to VBS at Sweet Home Baptist Church in Rule, Texas. I wouldn't be the director if I didn't believe it is something we should do. I just think that if we are doing it because it is what we have always done then it will be missing something. Missing something big. Missing something really really important.

If we aren't doing for God we had might as well not do it.

I don't know if our VBS this year will reach even one single unchurched kid for Christ. I don't know if we will unleash a special talent in one of our church kids.  I don't know if all we will do is plant one single seed in the mind of one single child that will grow into a great faith.  Maybe the only thing that will come out of this is for our church family to grow closer to God and closer to each other by serving together.  It could be all of these things.

But what I do know is we are doing it for the Glory of God. Period. That thought is what has kept me going. The knowledge that I truly didn't have it in me this year to plan and direct a VBS program and yet it came together with out a hitch. God is in this this year.

For God's Glory ... that is why we do Vacation Bible School.


Shell

Navigating the Insurance Maze

Okay so I am really glad that Dan has found this new job. I think it is important that you can enjoy going to work everyday. As a matter of fact if I ever find a job I like going to everyday I will keep it LOL. But that said changing insurance is a real pain.

First thing you have to know is that Dan has had the same job for 13 years. Before that he was in the Navy. Job/insurance changing is not something we know how to do. I had no idea that because the new company used a staffing company we would have one insurance for 90 days with the staffing company. Then we would change to the new companies insurance at the end of the 90 days. So not only do we have to change insurance but we have to change TWICE.

I had this plan that I wasn't going to use the 90 day insurance. I mean how hard is it to not go to the doctor for 3 months. I guess it is pretty hard. I had a sinus infection last week and had to go. I went to the pharmacy at Walmart (not going back by the way) and they told me that my insurance card didn't work for prescriptions and I would have to pay full price for my meds. A total of about $140. Luckily I have a great doctor's office and I called them. They made some changes and got it down to about $40.  Then I find out today that my card IS good for prescriptions. It even has a little RX on it to show that it is good for prescriptions.  So all that trouble and time I spent getting that straight wasn't even necessary.

Then today I decide maybe I will check in to getting some of my prescriptions filled through the online pharmacy only to find that I can't log in to the insurance's web page. Craziness. I hate not knowing what is covered what isn't covered. Not knowing how to get stuff filled. It is insane. The thing is now it has become like a mission for me. We are paying for it. I am determined to figure out how to use it! One thing is for sure though it isn't user friendly. I am guessing I will get this one sorted out just in time to make the 90 day switch.

Shell

One of THOSE days!

Okay it is official I am having one of THOSE days. This is a special kind of day. Today I am in what I call "full blown overwhelm mode".  I have a ton of stuff to do none of it too big or too daunting. Just a whole bunch of little stuff with a couple medium sized things mixed in. But when you add it all up.... overwhelm. 

I am not good at looking at everything I need to do and choosing the logical order to do them in. I look at everything that needs to be done and I can't breath. It is like my brain turns off. Like it says "Oops too much to do so I think I will just go back to sleep."  So first comes frustration because I can't think, then comes panic cause if I can't think I can't get anything done, then my head starts hurting and my shoulders ache because I am tense. I can feel it coming on.

But... I am getting better at recognizing it. I am not there yet. I can feel it out there on the edge of my consciousness trying to creep in. I feel the beginning of the headache. I feel the rush of adrenaline that comes right before the panic. I can hear that little voice that says forget it you can't get all this done. I know that if I sit down to make a list my mind will go blank and I won't be able to remember what all needs to be done. I will forget either the frosting, to go to the bank, to buy tape, to get the pens out of the car, to drop off Rita's stuff, to make the signs, to do the schedules, to make the rosters, oops thought I was going to fool my brain but I went blank LOL.

Anyway I can feel it coming but today I am stopping it now before I get there. I am going to breath, I am going to take my medication, I am going to enlist help, I am going to manage to make a list and get things done. But most importantly I am going to shut myself in my bedroom and pray. Pray for peace, for calm, for memory, for help. I may have what in the past would have been the perfect storm brewing. In the past this would have stopped me in my tracks but this time I have the things I need to pull through. I have an earthly team I can count on and I have God who is in my corner. That is the combination I need to make it through.

Shell

As Christians shouldn't we be the biggest environmentalists around?

First off let me say that I am not by any means an environmentalist. I drive a Nissan Titan that I lovingly call the "monster truck".  I don't recycle (I know, I know), and I have never even thought about painting myself in tiger stripes and spending the day on the street practically naked in a cage to protest the treatment of animals (although I know someone who did).  However, I do think about the environment. I think about what our consumer driven, gas guzzling, disposable lifestyle is doing to the planet that God has entrusted to us.

I started thinking about this the other day when someone commented on the lights in the church. It seems we switched awhile back to the energy saving light bulbs at church. It has apparently saved us some mula on the electric bill (yeah). What got me to thinking about it though was that when I was being told about this the person said "We switched to the energy saving bulbs not that because we are into the "green movement" or anything but to save money on the electric bill"  It was almost like he felt like he had to make sure I understood it wasn't because he had gone soft and become a liberal environmentalist.

So here is my question.... Shouldn't we, as stewards of the planet that God gave us, be the ones who are "going green"?  I look around this beautiful place and see the awesomeness of God everywhere I look.  I believe He gave us this planet to live on, to enjoy, to make a living from, and to gain sustenance from but at the same time He handed it over to our care.

The current political environmentalist movement is NOT what I am talking about here. Like we humans tend to do they have take a good idea and turned into something extreme. They exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator--Who is forever praised. Amen. (Romans 1:25)

I am not by any means suggesting that we should place environmental needs above the needs of people.  I am not saying we should go out and chain ourselves to trees to save the black tipped, red winged, purple beaked whatever.  What I am saying is God entrusted this place to us for as long as we are here and I really think we should be taking better care of it.

Shell

Friday Mind Dump

This will sound a bit odd but I have nothing to blog about. Me. Nothing  to say. Weird huh? I think so. So I have decided I will just toss out waht I am thinking and who knows maybe a blog will develop.

I am still really tired by about 5 o'clock. I am feeling so much better. Go antibiotics! But I am pretty wiped out right now.

I am really looking forward to Women of Faith this year. I just keep thinking this is going to be a really fun year.

VBS is next week and that is about the only thing on my mind. It is coming together really nicely this year and that is a bit scary.

The kids are back from camp. I am glad. I really missed them this year.  Ask me how I feel in week or so. I might be ready for them to go again LOL.

We are hoping to get the fence fixed (again) this weekend. I am so tired of having dogs in my house.  If this doesn't work we might have to get rid of Lucy. I would hate to have to do that but she won't stay in the yard. She wanders around in the road so we can't let her out. And she won't go out to use the bathroom anymore so she can't stay in the house. She is making me crazy. Not to mention what it is going to cost me to replace this carpet.

Okay well that is all I am thinking and no blog developed so better luck next time LOL

Shell

Calendars: Can't live without them, can't remember to use them.

As I have said I love a good plan. Plans calm me. You know the old saying "I love it when a plan comes together" well I don't even care if it comes together. I just love the plan. So considering that wouldn't you think that I would be a planner, organizer, calendar kinda gal? Not so much.

After years of insisting that ADD wasn't real that it was just some made up thing drug companies use to sell more pills sand something parents used to explain away their lack of control over their children, I finally admitted that maybe just maybe it was not only real but that I had it. I don't know if it was the neuropsychologist  who after 4 full days of testing looked at me and said "You are the clearest cut case of Adult Attention Deficit I have ever diagnosed" or if it was all the books written about it that sounded like someone could see right in my head that finally convinced me but the sceptic for sure became a believer.

That was about 4 or so years ago. I have read just about everything written about Adults with ADD. I am still digesting it all. Still figuring out how much of what I do is ADD related. The list is long.So many of the little things I always thought made me odd like:

• I have a ridiculously high startle reflex. This is an endless source of entertainment for my family.
• I have no sense of time. When I say what time is it don't tell me 10 after cause I don't know if that means 10 after 2 or 10 after 4.
• I need things to be symmetrical. Notice I didn't say want.
• I don't like people I don't know touching me. Okay I don't like some people I do know touching me. If you get to touch me you are special LOL
• I have an ability to "hyperfocus" that could blow your mind.
• I fall. I knock things over. I burn houses down. I live with bruises on my forearms from whacking doorknobs. I am a klutz in a big way.

The list goes on and on and on and on. Some of these I can do something about like the sense of time some of them I can't like the startle reflex.They make me quirky and I am reaching a point where I am okay with that as I get older I hope to evolve from quirky to eccentric it should fun.

But not all the things are little things. Some of them are big things. Things that I feel better about now that I know the why. But knowing the why doesn't fix the problem and while some people are happy to say "well I have ADD so that is just the way I am" I am not willing to use that as an excuse. I can use it as a reason. I can admit that changing these things will be tough. But tough doesn't mean impossible.

When I am trying to understand something, fix something, or just want to know about something I read. Book after book. Magazine articles, websites, and just about anything else I can find. Well ADD has been no different. I have read just about everything written about living with adult ADD. If there is a book I haven't read it is because I missed it somehow. I am sure I will get to it.  Anyway, these books have all kinds of plans and ideas about living with ADD. Some make sense some are kinda out there. Some are pro medication some aren't. Some are pro therapy some aren't.  Some blame it on nutrition some on heredity.

But the one thing that every single book agrees on is that if you have Adult ADD you MUST live by a calender/planner/PDA of some kind. It should be your lifeline. The kind of calendar/planner/pda varies from book to book but they all agree that with the time/space/priority brain running at 90,000 miles an hour issues those of us with ADD have you have to use one.

So here is my dirty little secret. I can't figure it out. I LOVE calendars. I love to buy planners. I really truly LOVE the idea of having my life neatly organized and all written down. Actually I love the idea so much I do it often. I buy them, print them, or make them. I write in them. I will spend and entire day getting a calendar set up and write everything in it that needs to be there. Birthdays, holidays, vacations etc. I will set up to do lists and chore lists and put them all on the calendar.  I enjoy every minute of setting it up. Then a few weeks pass and I realize I haven't looked at it again.  I know with every part of me that this is the missing piece to getting on track. I know that I can't possibly juggle everything I have to do keeping it all in my head and be successful. I know a well used calender is the answer. But I can't figure it out.  I have made the calendars pretty. I have made them business like. I have made them complicated. I have made them simple. I have spent a LOT of money on them. I have printed them myself for free. I have had big ones. I have had small ones. I have tried paper ones. I have tried electronic ones.I can't figure it out.

I am not sure what the answer is. But I know there is one. So I am still looking. Looking for the perfect calendar. Looking for the perfect reminder. Somehow someway I WILL figure it out.

Shell

Sexting? Maybe it is time to head for the mountians.

This morning I am really worried about a news report I just read. Worried like pull my kids out of school, move them to a mountain top, and keep them isolated until time to call them adults and send them out on their own.  Do you ever feel like that?

Sometimes I feel like the world around us has gotten so blasted out of control that the only way I can protect my children is to keep them far far away from it. Then I have to stop and ask... What is my ultimate goal as a parent?  Is it to shelter my children and keep them safe? I want to do that and it certainly is part of my goal. However, as a parent that isn't actually my main goal. My main goal is to raise an independent, productive, responsible, adult who knows Christ as his/her savior. That is the end goal.

I don't believe I can accomplish this by taking them to the mountains and sheltering them but man it is tempting. Parenting is hard that is for sure. I keep telling myself that my kids will be okay.  They have two parents who love God, love each other, and love them. They are good kids.  But when you read an article like the one that follows it is scary.

Gloucester girl charged in child pornography case

I am not sure what it is that scares me the most about this article. I don't know if it is the idea of what the kids are actually doing or if it is the fact that they would charge a 14 year old with something like child pornography. Talk about life long ramifications for a stupid mistake.  Registering as a sex offender for the rest of their lives. So many opportunities lost :(

I think back to being a 13 or 14 year old girl with all the fears and insecurities that come with that.  I like to think that I would never had sent pictures of myself over a cell phone. But the reality is I can't say that for sure. I am sure I wouldn't have when I was 16 but when I was 14ish I am not sure. I don't think I would have but then again I remember that desperate my world is going to end if he doesn't love me too kind of feeling that you have when you are 14 and have your first real crush. You know not the "I'm going with him" kinda crush but the talk to him on the phone and try to find a way to see him kinda crush.  When the hormones first kick in and we are physically mature enough to want something we aren't emotionally mature enough to handle. I think back to then and it scares me.

My heart breaks for these girls who want to be loved so badly they would do this. My heart also breaks for the boys who want to be respected by their peers so badly they would share the pictures. This isn't an easy time to be a teen. I don't really guess any time is. I just have to remember the goal. An an independent, responsible, adult who knows Christ as his/her savior. The end goal is the only thing that keeps me from heading to the mountains.




Shell

Wow! I have a teenager.

Okay I realize that isn't really new news. Timothy's birthday was a month ago. I even said then that I couldn't believe I had a teenager. The reality of it hadn't really set in though. Maybe I was more focused on Caitie leaving elementary school. I am not sure but it just really hadn't hit me. Until this morning.

The kids left this morning for 4-H camp.  That's right 5 days and 4 nights with no kids and I am sick as a dog. Can I get a "doesn't that figure" LOL  Hopefully I will get well in time for Dan and I to go out at least once. Anyway I took them up to the school to meet the buses that take them to camp.  We were standing around waiting for the buses to arrive. I was talking to a couple of friends and the kids were running around looking to see who was going.  After about 10 minutes or so I realized I hadn't seen Timothy in while. I looked around and then I saw him. Hanging out with his friends in the back of our truck. Nothing much going on just hanging out. You know like we used to. All of a sudden I realized "My truck is full of teenagers" My son is one of them. WOW! He isn't a boy anymore. He is teenager. He wasn't playing he was hanging out. Scary!

Shell

The God of now.

I have been thinking about today's sermon off and on through out the day. I love it when Pastor Mike takes something I have read or heard 100 times before and makes it new again.  He did that for me again this morning.

I have read Exodus 3:14 many times. This is where Moses asks God what he should say if the Israelites ask him the name of who sent him.

¹⁴God said to Moses, "I AM WHO I AM."^[a] And he said, "Say this to the people of Israel, 'I AM has sent me to you.'"

As many times as I read that passage I always read it the same way. To me in my head when I read this I read it as "I always have been and always will be".  Now that is part of it but during the sermon I was thinking about the point that Pastor Mike was making. Notice what is missing in my interpretation of that passage. Well maybe missing isn't the right word. What isn't mentioned may be a better way of putting it. "I always have been" talks about the past... "always will be" talks about the future. No where in my mind did it focus on the now.

So I was thinking... is that the way I view God? Sometimes I think it is. I can look back and see how he has been at work in my life. I can see His hand on so many things through out my past.  I also trust God for the future.  It isn't that I don't trust Him with my now. It is just that I get so caught up in the now that I don't stop to look for God in the present. I have time to reflect on the past. Time to worry about the future. But now? Now I am running 90 miles an hour and thinking about everything I need to do. Now is all up to me right? 

I AM WHO I AM.

Past and future never changing always present. Present then. Present Later. Present now. Present now. One more time Present NOW.

If I took the time. Time to stop. Time to breath. Time to look. Time to trust. God isn't a God of the past or a God of the future. God is the God of now and that my friends is big!

Shell

To Do vs. Dr. Who

I really am not much of a TV watcher.  I turn it off in the mornings as soon as the kids are gone (unless I leave it on to watch Peep). It stays off all day until kids come back home. There are a few shows I enjoy but none there aren't but a few that I would care one way or another if I miss them. 

I have a TON of stuff to do today. I am not feeling 100% and would love to do nothing and sit around all day. That however would get me no where. Then tomorrow I would still be in the very same boat. So I need to work on my To Do list instead. I fully intend to do that. I have been intending to do that all morning.  Unfortunatly my good intentions have been derailed. There is a Dr. Who marathon on today. I love Dr. Who. I am especially fond of the most recent Dr. Who. Of all the Dr. Whos he is my favorite. So here I sit trying to convince myself to get up and get busy while I watch Dr. Who.  Good thing I have a DVR that might be the only way I get anything done today!

Shell

Ripples of Grace

I just absolutely LOVE Jon Acuff's blog. He is one of my most favoritest bloggers anywhere out there in the blogosphere.  He had a really good one a couple of days ago and I have been thinking about it this morning. He wrote about what he called Grace Spots. Here is the link if you haven't read it Grace Spots. So his theory is that there are certain places we go everyday where the people need extra Grace. You know the people you can just bet have had a hard day and no one is being nice to them. The opposite in fact, people are probably being pretty mean to them and by taking a moment and showing them some Grace we can help make a difference in their day.

I love this idea and I am going to work on my own list of my own personal Grace Spots.  Here are a few of mine:

Customer Service people on the phone-  For some reason I will get snippy with customer service people on the phone when I would never think of being that snippy in person. It is like because they far away and I can't see them I don't have to think about the fact that they are real people with real feelings.

Teenagers just starting a job- Twice in the last month I have gone into a fast food place to eat and the girl behind the order counter was young, new, and scared. Remember what it felt like to be 16 and have your first job. Remember what it felt like to be overwhelmed by it all? Now imagine having and adult be mean and rude and nasty to you. Nope not a chance. I want to be that person who says "it's cool, take your time, you are doing a great job!"

People who drive like 20 miles an hour down my road-  I am not a road rage kinda person. I actually tend to drive a little slow. So maybe I am the kind of person who causes others to have road rage instead LOL. However, people who drive 20 down my road make me nuts! We live in a small neighborhood/community outside of town. There is one way in and one way out. We are 4 1/2 miles down that road.  The speed limit is faster than 20 all 4 1/2 miles!  If I am leaving the house I probably running late. If I am hading home I am eager to get there. Either way 20 is tooooo slow. Truth is though this road is REALLY curvy. I remember when I first moved here I was scared to death of the winding road with deep ditches on each side. I need to show these slow moving people some grace. And maybe leave 10 minutes earlier.

People who work at summer tourist spots-  We get a lot of out-of-towners around here. Especially over in Williamsburg. They can make life hard on the locals.

Our school board-  This has been a rough year for our local school board. We have faced major budget cuts like most other school have. They decided to try a thing where we would go less days to save money.  It wasn't popular but it saved teachers jobs.  Then we had the tornado that took out one of the two local middle schools. They had schedule changes, stuff to replace, a mess to clean up, and a board of supervisors to deal with. Now we are on to next year. The have a solution for the next few years as the middle school is rebuilt. Do I like it? Nope don't care for the plan too much. I am I glad I wasn't the one who had to fix this mess? You had better believe it.  I might not like the solution but it is what we got. I am sure they feel it is the best one available. I know a lot of people aren't happy about it. They are doing the best they can. Let's show our school board some Grace!

These are just the ones who popped in to my head at this moment. I am going to pray about this and really see what I can come up with. Showing someone that is having a bad day some extra kindness, extending Grace to them could really change their day. I know I have had days when a few kind words would have been really welcome.

So where are your Grace Spots?

Dress or No Dress that is the question.

Today was Caitie's 5th grade graduation. Those of you who know Caitie know that she spells torture D.R.E.S.S.  She truly hates wearing dresses. However she was prepared to wear one for the 5th grade graduation. Then we couldn't find one. This is a really tough age clothing wise and it isn't made easier by the fact that Caitie is almost as tall as I am.

Girls sizes just flat out don't fit. Juniors clothes are cut way to tight and are way to umm hoochie-ish for me. Women's clothes look like they are made for .... well a woman not an 11 year old girl. Plus she doesn't have the top to fill them in.  It is just really tough to find something other than jeans, shorts, and t-shirts that fit right now.

So we had a lot of trouble finding something. I admit I was a but frustrated at this point. I had an idea in my head of how I wanted her to look and I just wasn't having any luck finding anything. Then I finally found a couple things that might work.

We had a couple of options one was a pair of black dress chiffon culottes and the other was a dress I had found. Once she saw that the culottes were an option she was thrilled! She had escaped the dreaded torture.

Then I did something I said I would NEVER do. I used emotional blackmail to get her to wear the dress. I did it like a master too. You would have had to of seen my grandmother in action to understand why I could so easily pull that out of my arsenal of tools. She was the best! She had a guilt trip down to an art. I loved her to death.  She was wonderful in so many many ways but boy she new how to work guilt.

Just picture this ... Here I am about 12 or 13. I don't want to spend the weekend at my grandmothers. I want to go home and see my friends.

Now if you knew my grandmother picture her looking ...I don't know... maybe lost. "Mamaw isn't feeling very good today. I sure was hoping you would come stay with me and help me with the garden"

So I would skip my friends house and stay with her.

Well I did basically the same thing different words but it was pretty much the same. And just like I always did Caitie was going to wear the dress she hated to keep from upsetting me. As soon as I realized what I had done I stopped and changed directions.

I looked at her and I said "Just to be clear all the other girls will be wearing fancy dresses. I am not saying you have to be like them I am just saying I want to make sure you understand you will probably be the only one not wearing one. But if that doesn't matter to you that is fine. There is nothing that says you EVER have to be like everyone else. So here are you choices the dress or the pants. EITHER is fine with me."

She chose the pants and I must say she looked marvelous!  She was the only girl not in a dress and she really didn't care. I LOVE that about her. I love that she is her own person.

I hope I can remember this experience. Manipulation is NEVER pretty. I am just glad I realized in time to keep from making her miserable all day just to get my own way. 

So after all the Dress or No Dress drama her graduation was great. We took her friend Raeann with us and went to lunch at Salsa's. Came back here and hung out. I now officially have two in middle school. Wow that is scary!

Granny, Bill, and Caitie

Me and Caitie

Caitie and Raeann

Caitie and Ashley

Caitie, Lexi, and Raeann

Blue Screen of Death

This weekend I crashed. It was weird. It was almost midnight Friday night. My part of Relay for Life was done. ( Thank you God for helping me hold on until my part was done) I was planning on staying all night I even had set up my tent and everything. Then all of a sudden I realized I didn't feel good. I was tired. No, not just tired but DONE. Have you ever felt done? I did. It was like my hard drive shut down. I got my own personal blue screen of death.  I was sick. I slept from lunch Saturday until Sunday morning. We tried to go to church. We got there and 1/4 of the way into the service.... blue screen of death again. I came home and slept all day Sunday.  I got nothing done. But I got SO much done. I rebooted. I hit my very own Control-Alt-Delete button.  Man I needed that.

I needed to stop, recharge, and take a good hard look at what led to the crash. I am pretty sure this won't come as a big shocker to those of you who know me but I am WAY over commited.  That however is not the big Ah Ha. I knew that. The big Ah Ha in this instance is that I am not over commited because I have hard time saying no. I have always thought that was my problem. It isn't. My problem is I don't WANT to say no. There are so so many things I want to do. So many causes I want to support. So many things I want to do with the kids. So many animals I want to have. So many jobs I want to try. So many people in need and I want to help.

The problem is me not stopping and thinking about the ramifications of saying yes. Saying yes not only to others but to myself and my ideas This doesn't mean I have to stop doing everything. I am a social person. I would go crazy if I did.  But the cute little name for what I actually am is a "highly social introvert". What this means is that while I LOVE people and being in big groups I don't get energy from that. I only expel energy. I recharge at home. Alone. I have to remember that when I am saying yes.  If I have to much social time without that down time I WILL crash

 The reality of what this means set in for me as I was looking back over the month of May. My first month of not working or having babies at home ever in my adult life. I was thinking about what I did get done and what I didn't. What kept me from accomplishing the goals I had set for the month.

So here is he deal. If I am going to work (I am already ready to go back by the way staying a home by myself all day is not for me) and ever actually finish school I am going to have to stop with the extra commitments.  I can't be Luminaria chair for Relay for Life, VBS Director, Awana Leader, Tuesday night Bible study attender, Children's Church leader, Room mother, Mission Trip taker, Church goer, Softball player, Chicken raiser, Gardener, Housekeeper, Dog Trainer, PTA board member, Money manager, Wife, Mother, Friend, Employee and Full time student.  Not to mention the idea I have to start a service group with the kids at church.

It is just too much. I run all day everyday. I have to put a stop to it. I don't want to. I want to do all those things. I have so many ideas and I want to try them all. However, I had period of about a week and a half a couple of weeks ago where I had a commitment every single day and a different commitment every evening. I literally wasn't home to do anything but sleep for a week and a half. CRASH!

So the new plan is all about priorities. I will be choosy about what I say yes to. But I don't have to say no. I can say not now.  I  know that this is okay. This is the thing I need to do. It doesn't mean it will be easy. I get so excited about doing things. I WANT to do things.  But I also know the reality of it is this is what I have to do. Here are the new rules:

1.  I will take care of things at home first.
2.  I will take care of school work second.
3.  I will pray, pray, and then pray again about each thing I say yes to.
4.  I will do nothing out of a sense of obligation that I don't really want to do.
5.  I will not bring home anymore animals (chickens don't count LOL) until I finish school.
6.  I will get the rest of the family on a schedule to help with some of the house stuff.
7.  I will find someone to take one of my Children's Church weeks. I need to be in the service more.
8.  I will not do Awana's next year nor will I replace Awana's with anything on Wednesday night.
9.  I will put the new ideas I have on hold for one year so I can focus on school work. Unless after #3 I feel it is something God says do now.
10. I will let the school run itself for one year.  There are no room mothers in middle school (hurray) and the PTA can live without me.


I will remember that God created each of us exactly the way we are and He didn't set us up to fail. All the crazy nutty wacky things about me are like this for a purpose.  All I have to do is learn to work with what He gave me!

Shell

Memorable Moment Mondays (Books)

I was thinking this morning about just exactly when my fascination with books began. Truth be told I don't remember a time I didn't love books.  I am sure some of that is natural but I am also sure some of it is learned. My mom has always been a reader. I remember bookshelves FULL of books that she got from the Double Day book of the month club. 

I thought I would list a few of my favorite childhood books. Ones that bring back wonderful warm fuzzy feelings when I remember reading them.

Trixie Belden:

This series was easily my very very most favorite. I loved the characters in these books. The differences in all the kids personalities.I even remember when Trixie had to go buy a girdle to wear under a dress... a girdle I tell you! While no one wore them anymore of course I thought it would be so cool to have to go shop for one as a passage into womanhood LOL.

The Boxcar Children:

This was easily my second favorite series. I even reread them again as an adult. I tried really hard to get my kids interested in them but no such luck.  I will never forget how excited the kids were to find the stuff they found in the dump to turn that boxcar into a home.

Nancy Drew:

I had the whole Nancy Drew series and I loved her and the Hardy Boys too. My mom got me them as a set and I can close my eyes and see the row of books all the same, lined up on my shelf. Even then I used books to create order in a chaotic life. I loved that those books were all exactly the same size.

Thornton Burgess's animal books:

I loved these books. The Adventures of Mr. Mocker is the one that stand out in my memory but I loved them all.  I loved the lessons that books taught. I loved the animals having human characteristics. I just plain loved the books

I had tons of Little Golden books when I was little. I loved Tawny Scrawny Lion, The Saggy Baggy Elephant and The Pokey Little Puppy. I took great pleasure in writing my name in the little space in the front of the books.

I had the books from the Doctor Seuss collection. In a People House and Oh, the Places You will  Go were my favorites.  I could go on and on about all of these and how I loved them but who didn't? I mean it is Dr. Seuss!






So where did all this start I wonder. I have to say honestly that while loved the children's books the thing I loved most of all was the Childrcraft set that came with our world book encyclopedias.  I could read for hours in the Childrcraft set. I learned about crafts to make, other cultures, plants and animals, poetry and short stories. What a wealth of ... well of just everything.

Shell

Germ Warfare

Well I woke up this morning and I feel like a new person. That got me to thinking about how amazing our bodies are.

I felt pretty lousy Friday night.  At first I thought I was just over tired from setting up the Luminaria for Relay for Life. Over 1000 bags! But it was like I went from running around the track setting everything up to so exhausted I could barely move. I had planned to stay all night but around midnight I just had to come home. I expected to go to bed and wake up Saturday sore but fine.

I didn't feel to bad Saturday morning but by the time I managed to get the new chickens situated that I am so exhausted I can barely move feeling was back. By mid-afternoon I had a horrible headache and just needed to go to bed.

Come Sunday morning I still felt poopy but I had some VBS stuff to take care of and I didn't want to miss church. I got there and my head was pounding. I told Dan it felt like a hang over headache. No stuffiness. No sinus pressure. Just that if you move your head it feels like it will explode kinda headache and achiness all over. I convinced Dan to leave church early and I came home and slept all afternoon. Woke up just in time to eat and go to sleep.

Now here it is Monday morning. I feel GREAT! So here is where all that is going. How do you go from feeling like death warmed over to feeling great in one day.  There are a lot of things about how our bodies work that astound me. Every little detail to me evidence of a Divine Creator.  But of all the these details the most amazing to me is the way our bodies respond to illness. How does it know what is good and what is bad? What to fight off and what to tolerate? With all the stuff that we breath in from the air and ingest through process foods how does it know? Amazing! No way is that an accident. One more way in this big wide world that we can see evidence of God. I love it!

Shell

36 chickens, 3 dogs, 2 cats, 2 pigeons, and a pheasant.

I went to the chicken swap this morning. Man it was a big one. There were so many people there. I love the whole idea behind the chicken swaps. It is like a farmers market for animals. All the people who are selling are so nice and so excited to talk about their animals.

The one thing to know though the name "chicken swap" is a bit of a misnomer. It is true there are always chickens. Usually more chickens than anything else but it is actually a small animal swap. There are always tons of other animals there. Today I saw chickens (of course), ducks, turkeys, pigeons, kittens, puppies, pheasants, quail, rabbits, and goats. Man I want goats!

So I brought home 15 more chickens and a pheasant today. Two of the chickens are 8 months old and are beautiful. Three are about a month old same as my little one. Not to bad. 5 chickens. That would bring my total to 26. Hmmm do I really want 26 chickens? Yeah 10 of them are older and won't be laying much longer. That probably isn't a bad number.

Then I saw them. The cutest tiniest little birds you have ever seen. a box full of them. Each one so itty bitty. Baby bantams. I love bantams. I don't have any because I have been trying to be practical. Bantams lay small eggs. I have chickens for their eggs. Why would I need chickens that lay little ones?  Because they are so blasted cute that is why. So at only $1 each I bought 10. I figure I am bound to get at least a couple hens out of that many. I put my cell phone in so you can see how tiny they are.

They will look just like regular chickens when they are full grown except smaller. So so cool.










So now I have 36 chickens. What am I going to do with 36 chickens? No telling.

Now the pheasant is cool. He is just for looks. They are just so darn beautiful in an unusual way. I figured I would toss him in with the pigeons. We will have a area for useless birds we have for no reason LOL

 Aren't they pretty? Mine's feathers haven't changed yet so once it gets all colorful I post new photos.

Hope everyone is having a great weekend. I am off to bed. I know it is early but I am beat. Later all.

Shell

Friday Mind Dump

Well here it is Friday. Another week is gone.  I have so much going on that I can't narrow this blog down to one subject. Instead I am just going to dump it all out so here goes.

Today is Relay for Life. Those of you who have discussed this with me know what that means. Nuff said.

The chicken swap is this weekend. I am hoping to find some calico cochins. I don't know if there will be any there or not but I sure hope so. If not who knows what I might bring home.

There is only one week left in school. Then the kids will be home. I have mixed feelings about that. I am both excited to have them home and disappointed I haven't got more done done before I ran out of time here by myself during the day.

VBS is right around the corner. Wow just a few weeks and it will be here. The planning for it has gone smooth. That is scary. I hope that it keeps on going smoothly.

Money is always on my mind right now. I knew that it would be tight for me to stay home this summer. I also knew that it was the best choice for the kids. So tight I can deal with. Doesn't mean I like it.

My dog Kaya is wonderful. I have been taking her for walks and she is following commands like a champ! The old saying about how the dog doesn't need obedience training the person does is so true.  I took another dog a couple years ago and I learned enough to work with Kaya.

I really need to pressure wash  my house. I don't have a pressure washer. I am not sure if I want to rent one or have someone do it. Oh well see the paragraph above about money. Won't be doing either one anytime soon LOL.

My garden is doing so good. Weeds included. As much time as I have spent out there weeding all it took was a few good days of rain and sun and boom they took over. I have spent 2 hours out there in the last day. I got the swiss chard done and half the okra. I still have to finish the okra and then do the squash and the beans. As long as I can get the cool spells in the morning and evening like yesterday and this morning I should be able to get back on top of it.

I am starting weight watchers again. I was going really good. But kinda fell off a few months ago. Time to hop back on the diet train I guess. This is a good time since the kids and I are planning lots of activity this summer. The cool thing about weight watchers is that their new program is more about eating healthy than counting calories. That is a plan I can get behind.  My friend Kim is going to join me and I think it will be fun to have someone to bounce things off of.

I have decided to cut my hair REALLY REALLY REALLY short. Short, spiky and funky! I haven't decided when since I have Relay tonight and other stuff over the weekend.

I am thinking about doing the whole couponing thing. Not the extreme stock pile and spend hours on it kinda way but more in the if I could save 20 or 30 dollars a trip kinda way. Not sure I will but I am thinking about it.

Jobs Jobs Jobs. On my mind all the time. That is such a pain because I know I am not going to get one until September but knowing I don't have one right now leaves me feeling like I need to go look for one. The only time since I was 15 that I didn't have one was when the kids were babies and that WAS a full time job. I think I will relax about that as soon as school is out and the kids are home. Right now once the kids leave for the day and I have the house all to myself I feel like I need to have something to do. I am sure that I will have plenty to keep me busy once they are home.

If you hung in here this long thanks. My mind is hereby dumped LOL.

Shell

Thankful Thursday

You can't begin to imagine the week I have had. Remember last Thursday I wasn't having such a great day so I wrote a whole list of things I was thankful for. Mainly just because at that moment there wasn't anything I really FELT thankful for to write about. So that tells you where my mood was already.  I went about my day and headed over to my friend Kim's thinking that would give me the mood boost I needed. It did and I had a great coffee time. Then I come home to find a dead chick and a coop full of bloody poo. My little ones had been  hit by Coccidiosis a single cell parasite. I lost 4 of the 9 babies before it was over. I really thought I would lose them all. So here I was having a horrible day to begin with and then I spent the afternoon burying chickens and cleaning up mess after mess. They were all infected and it was ugly.

So all that was to say I am very very thankful that I moved 5 once again healthy chicks outside this week. They are loving the outside and seem to be thriving again. I am also grateful that the Chicken Swap is this Saturday. Who knows what I may bring home!

On another note I want to say a big THANK YOU to John  Anderson!  I have been a bit nervous about this whole Relay for Life thing. (thanks to all who have been praying about the situation) When I talked to John about having his scouts help he said to me exactly the words I needed to hear. This has been weighing so heavy on me and he said something to the effect of "Don't worry we got this". Not a big thing to him I am sure but he had no way of know how badly I needed to hear that.  I took it to heart and said great I am not going to stress over it at all!  And I haven't. Not that part of it anyway.

So here are entries from my Thankfulness journal:

• A chance to try an new job before I commit.
• Relay is almost over
• A 600 for Caitie on her math SOL
• SOLs over
• Lunch with Dan at Salsas
• Chickens still alive
• Chickens moved outside
• Dogs still in the fence outside
• A new couch
• Caitie getting up on her own (grouchy morning girl)

Shell

Use it up, wear it out, make it do, or do without.

Supposedly the saying "Use it up, wear it out, make it do, or do without" comes from the Great Depression. I am not sure if it does or not but I know the idea behind it is one I believe we need to pay attention to today.

I realize that the current economic crisis has hurt. We sure felt the pinch. Between the drop in my income and the increase in the price of gas it is a mighty hard pinch. I know some people have been watching the show extreme couponing. While I can't see collecting the coupons for and storing 50 bottles of Excedrin or 10 jugs of liquid laundry soap it is still very interesting. The good thing about the show though is it has got me to thinking about ways to save money.

We live in a disposable society. We use things and then toss them. If they are broken we buy more. The days of having things repaired have long passed.  When is the last time you saw a darning egg? Do you even know what a darning egg is? As a nation we throw away so much stuff. We buy so much stuff. It is an ugly ugly cycle.

I decided when I got my chickens that I wanted to build the coops out of found materials. We have repurposed playhouses, trampolines, and pallets. I love that we did them this way. It isn't really pretty but it works. Too bad I haven't been so thrifty in other areas. I need to have a yard sale and see if I can get rid of some of this stuff. I probably have enough stuff to outfit a whole nother house.

I have an entire closet full of clothes. I have an attic with clothes in bags. I have nothing to wear. Then I think about the stories about people without winter coats. I have 3 or 4. I have an abundance of things. I don't really value any of them. I think to go back to the "use it up, wear it out, make it do, or do without" would make the things I do have have more value.

A simpler life with less waste. Sounds good to me.