So some of my friends are choosing a word of the year. I thought about doing that. I like the idea of having a single word I could use as a touchstone. The closing of the company I worked for has left me at lose ends. There are options to weight and decisions to make. Decisions. I hate making decisions so having a word weigh these choices against might be good.
Then I remembered... I chose a word of the year last year. I am pretty sure I did. I am almost positive I did. What was the word you ask? I have no idea. I only remember choosing one I don't remember what it was. So I guess I forgot it as quickly as I chose it. That is so like me. I chose a word last year to be the thing I would weigh my actions against and I can't even remember what it was.
Then I decided just because I didn't use the word last year doesn't mean I can't chose one this year. Also so like me. So I decided to try it again. I AM choosing a word this year. But it is more of a goal than a touchstone. I might even say a mission of sorts.
We have lived here for 2 years now. The kids love it here. The worst thing they can think of would be for us to move back to Virginia.
It. Is. All. I. Can. Think. About.
I have held myself apart from this place wishing for home, wishing for my friends, wishing for my church, wishing for my family.
I HAD an excuse. I worked from 5 am to 8 pm pretty much 5 days a week and had to be available on Saturday to take calls. Then on Sunday afternoon I spent a few hours each week setting the schedule for the next week. I didn't have time to meet people. To join clubs or groups. To establish relationships. And even if I had the time I was hesitant. It is hard to be part of a group when you have to excuse yourself every 10 minutes to take a phone call.
Dan and I had discussed how all encompassing the job was. We had talked about the fact that it might be time to move on to something new.I just hadn't decided for sure when the company made my decision for me and closed its doors.
I didn't lose myself because of the job. I knew who I was I just didn't have time to BE myself. I have missed that person who loves people, volunteer work, scrap booking, crafts, and book clubs. Two years I have lived in this place and I don't even know if those things exist here.
This was all brought home to me yesterday. This town I live in is small. Very small. I decided to run by the library to get something to read and I couldn't find it. I know generally where it is but I just wasn't sure which road I needed to turn down. Two years. I have been in this town two years and I have never been in the post office. I have been to the library once.
I have time now. Time to do things. Time to meet people. No excuses.
So my word of the year this year will be COMMUNITY. Its time for me to find one.