This weekend I crashed. It was weird. It was almost midnight Friday night. My part of Relay for Life was done. ( Thank you God for helping me hold on until my part was done) I was planning on staying all night I even had set up my tent and everything. Then all of a sudden I realized I didn't feel good. I was tired. No, not just tired but DONE. Have you ever felt done? I did. It was like my hard drive shut down. I got my own personal blue screen of death. I was sick. I slept from lunch Saturday until Sunday morning. We tried to go to church. We got there and 1/4 of the way into the service.... blue screen of death again. I came home and slept all day Sunday. I got nothing done. But I got SO much done. I rebooted. I hit my very own Control-Alt-Delete button. Man I needed that.
I needed to stop, recharge, and take a good hard look at what led to the crash. I am pretty sure this won't come as a big shocker to those of you who know me but I am WAY over commited. That however is not the big Ah Ha. I knew that. The big Ah Ha in this instance is that I am not over commited because I have hard time saying no. I have always thought that was my problem. It isn't. My problem is I don't WANT to say no. There are so so many things I want to do. So many causes I want to support. So many things I want to do with the kids. So many animals I want to have. So many jobs I want to try. So many people in need and I want to help.
The problem is me not stopping and thinking about the ramifications of saying yes. Saying yes not only to others but to myself and my ideas This doesn't mean I have to stop doing everything. I am a social person. I would go crazy if I did. But the cute little name for what I actually am is a "highly social introvert". What this means is that while I LOVE people and being in big groups I don't get energy from that. I only expel energy. I recharge at home. Alone. I have to remember that when I am saying yes. If I have to much social time without that down time I WILL crash
The reality of what this means set in for me as I was looking back over the month of May. My first month of not working or having babies at home ever in my adult life. I was thinking about what I did get done and what I didn't. What kept me from accomplishing the goals I had set for the month.
So here is he deal. If I am going to work (I am already ready to go back by the way staying a home by myself all day is not for me) and ever actually finish school I am going to have to stop with the extra commitments. I can't be Luminaria chair for Relay for Life, VBS Director, Awana Leader, Tuesday night Bible study attender, Children's Church leader, Room mother, Mission Trip taker, Church goer, Softball player, Chicken raiser, Gardener, Housekeeper, Dog Trainer, PTA board member, Money manager, Wife, Mother, Friend, Employee and Full time student. Not to mention the idea I have to start a service group with the kids at church.
It is just too much. I run all day everyday. I have to put a stop to it. I don't want to. I want to do all those things. I have so many ideas and I want to try them all. However, I had period of about a week and a half a couple of weeks ago where I had a commitment every single day and a different commitment every evening. I literally wasn't home to do anything but sleep for a week and a half. CRASH!
So the new plan is all about priorities. I will be choosy about what I say yes to. But I don't have to say no. I can say not now. I know that this is okay. This is the thing I need to do. It doesn't mean it will be easy. I get so excited about doing things. I WANT to do things. But I also know the reality of it is this is what I have to do. Here are the new rules:
1. I will take care of things at home first.
2. I will take care of school work second.
3. I will pray, pray, and then pray again about each thing I say yes to.
4. I will do nothing out of a sense of obligation that I don't really want to do.
5. I will not bring home anymore animals (chickens don't count LOL) until I finish school.
6. I will get the rest of the family on a schedule to help with some of the house stuff.
7. I will find someone to take one of my Children's Church weeks. I need to be in the service more.
8. I will not do Awana's next year nor will I replace Awana's with anything on Wednesday night.
9. I will put the new ideas I have on hold for one year so I can focus on school work. Unless after #3 I feel it is something God says do now.
10. I will let the school run itself for one year. There are no room mothers in middle school (hurray) and the PTA can live without me.
I will remember that God created each of us exactly the way we are and He didn't set us up to fail. All the crazy nutty wacky things about me are like this for a purpose. All I have to do is learn to work with what He gave me!