As I have said I love a good plan. Plans calm me. You know the old saying "I love it when a plan comes together" well I don't even care if it comes together. I just love the plan. So considering that wouldn't you think that I would be a planner, organizer, calendar kinda gal? Not so much.
After years of insisting that ADD wasn't real that it was just some made up thing drug companies use to sell more pills sand something parents used to explain away their lack of control over their children, I finally admitted that maybe just maybe it was not only real but that I had it. I don't know if it was the neuropsychologist who after 4 full days of testing looked at me and said "You are the clearest cut case of Adult Attention Deficit I have ever diagnosed" or if it was all the books written about it that sounded like someone could see right in my head that finally convinced me but the sceptic for sure became a believer.
That was about 4 or so years ago. I have read just about everything written about Adults with ADD. I am still digesting it all. Still figuring out how much of what I do is ADD related. The list is long.So many of the little things I always thought made me odd like:
- I have a ridiculously high startle reflex. This is an endless source of entertainment for my family.
- I have no sense of time. When I say what time is it don't tell me 10 after cause I don't know if that means 10 after 2 or 10 after 4.
- I need things to be symmetrical. Notice I didn't say want.
- I don't like people I don't know touching me. Okay I don't like some people I do know touching me. If you get to touch me you are special LOL
- I have an ability to "hyperfocus" that could blow your mind.
- I fall. I knock things over. I burn houses down. I live with bruises on my forearms from whacking doorknobs. I am a klutz in a big way.
The list goes on and on and on and on. Some of these I can do something about like the sense of time some of them I can't like the startle reflex.They make me quirky and I am reaching a point where I am okay with that as I get older I hope to evolve from quirky to eccentric it should fun.
But not all the things are little things. Some of them are big things. Things that I feel better about now that I know the why. But knowing the why doesn't fix the problem and while some people are happy to say "well I have ADD so that is just the way I am" I am not willing to use that as an excuse. I can use it as a reason. I can admit that changing these things will be tough. But tough doesn't mean impossible.
When I am trying to understand something, fix something, or just want to know about something I read. Book after book. Magazine articles, websites, and just about anything else I can find. Well ADD has been no different. I have read just about everything written about living with adult ADD. If there is a book I haven't read it is because I missed it somehow. I am sure I will get to it. Anyway, these books have all kinds of plans and ideas about living with ADD. Some make sense some are kinda out there. Some are pro medication some aren't. Some are pro therapy some aren't. Some blame it on nutrition some on heredity.
But the one thing that every single book agrees on is that if you have Adult ADD you MUST live by a calender/planner/PDA of some kind. It should be your lifeline. The kind of calendar/planner/pda varies from book to book but they all agree that with the time/space/priority brain running at 90,000 miles an hour issues those of us with ADD have you have to use one.
So here is my dirty little secret. I can't figure it out. I LOVE calendars. I love to buy planners. I really truly LOVE the idea of having my life neatly organized and all written down. Actually I love the idea so much I do it often. I buy them, print them, or make them. I write in them. I will spend and entire day getting a calendar set up and write everything in it that needs to be there. Birthdays, holidays, vacations etc. I will set up to do lists and chore lists and put them all on the calendar. I enjoy every minute of setting it up. Then a few weeks pass and I realize I haven't looked at it again. I know with every part of me that this is the missing piece to getting on track. I know that I can't possibly juggle everything I have to do keeping it all in my head and be successful. I know a well used calender is the answer. But I can't figure it out. I have made the calendars pretty. I have made them business like. I have made them complicated. I have made them simple. I have spent a LOT of money on them. I have printed them myself for free. I have had big ones. I have had small ones. I have tried paper ones. I have tried electronic ones.I can't figure it out.
I am not sure what the answer is. But I know there is one. So I am still looking. Looking for the perfect calendar. Looking for the perfect reminder. Somehow someway I WILL figure it out.