Okay it is official I am having one of THOSE days. This is a special kind of day. Today I am in what I call "full blown overwhelm mode". I have a ton of stuff to do none of it too big or too daunting. Just a whole bunch of little stuff with a couple medium sized things mixed in. But when you add it all up.... overwhelm.
I am not good at looking at everything I need to do and choosing the logical order to do them in. I look at everything that needs to be done and I can't breath. It is like my brain turns off. Like it says "Oops too much to do so I think I will just go back to sleep." So first comes frustration because I can't think, then comes panic cause if I can't think I can't get anything done, then my head starts hurting and my shoulders ache because I am tense. I can feel it coming on.
But... I am getting better at recognizing it. I am not there yet. I can feel it out there on the edge of my consciousness trying to creep in. I feel the beginning of the headache. I feel the rush of adrenaline that comes right before the panic. I can hear that little voice that says forget it you can't get all this done. I know that if I sit down to make a list my mind will go blank and I won't be able to remember what all needs to be done. I will forget either the frosting, to go to the bank, to buy tape, to get the pens out of the car, to drop off Rita's stuff, to make the signs, to do the schedules, to make the rosters, oops thought I was going to fool my brain but I went blank LOL.
Anyway I can feel it coming but today I am stopping it now before I get there. I am going to breath, I am going to take my medication, I am going to enlist help, I am going to manage to make a list and get things done. But most importantly I am going to shut myself in my bedroom and pray. Pray for peace, for calm, for memory, for help. I may have what in the past would have been the perfect storm brewing. In the past this would have stopped me in my tracks but this time I have the things I need to pull through. I have an earthly team I can count on and I have God who is in my corner. That is the combination I need to make it through.