Saturday, May 21, 2011

7 Tips to Avoid Messing up the Space-time Continuum

I love SciFi movies. I have watched enough of them that I feel confident I could survive just about any situation. Meteor headed for Earth... no problem I know what to do. Sun burning out...easy fix. Giant Ants attacking the city... I am your woman. Mongolian Death worms look a bit like giant maggots to me so I can tell you what to do save yourself, the city, and the treasure they are guarding but I am not coming close to one of those things.  My all time favorite theme though is time travel. LOVE time travel movies. One of my favorites was on earlier today and that got me to thinking.  I really need to share my knowledge of time travel with you so if you find yourself accidentally lost in a previous time you won't mess up and ruin the present for the rest of us.

So here it is :

Michelle's 7 Tips to Avoid Messing up the Space-time Continuum

  1. Do not kill anything. Something as simple as squashing a butterfly can mess up the Space-time continuum and then when you come back to the present the world will be over run with giant monkey/dinosaur things.
  2. Do not bring anything back with you.  Not only will it not be where it is supposed to be possibly causing the giant monkey/dinosaur disaster as listed in #1 but it doesn't belong in the present and can cause cause all kinds of mayhem.
  3. Do not speak to anyone who could possibly be connected to your present. If you do you could cease to exist as your Dad will never meet and fall in love with your mom and you will never be born.
  4. Do not try to "fix" history. You can't do it. There are three possible results- 1.  Because you killed Hilter an even worse evil villain is born and the alternative is even more heinous than he was. (See the giant monkey/dinosaur referenced in 1 and 2) 2. Another evil villain does EXACTLY the same thing as Hitler because the space-time continuum rights itself. 3. Because the proper and correct reality will not be denied you aren't able to kill Hitler instead you are killed and everyone knows if you die in the past you die in the present so just don't do it.
  5. Do not leave anything behind.  This can not only cue the whole giant monkey/dinosaur future but it really confuses the hound out of the people who live in the past.
  6. Do not give anyone in the past weapons from the future. This changes the results of wars which messes with the current world political climate. I really don't want to live under ohhh say Mayan rule so no matter how unfair you think their demise was don't give them a machine gun.
  7. Do not give people suggestions for great things to invent. Not only is the past not ready for these inventions but they might blow something up once again resulting in the giant monkey/dinosaur version of the present.


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