Wednesday, May 4, 2011


My plans for this morning have changed. That isn't always bad. My plan was to sit out on my patio and have cup of coffee and a bit of quiet time then head out to the garden. However, I barely even got myself ready to head out and the sprinkles started. While my gardens needs to be tended today it needs the rain more so it is a good trade off. Plus everyone knows I LOVE the rain.

So I picked up my coffee and my computer and headed for the front porch. I love my porch.  I was sitting in my rocker and then I realized that I was driving the wrens crazy.  We have a wren family that lives on my porch. There is a mom, a dad, and at least 3 babies. They are living in the top of one of those topsy turvy tomato planters I tried last year. It is weathered and ugly but I can't replace it till the babies fly away.  Anyway my rocker is near the planter and those poor parents wanted me to MOVE!  I moved to the swing and then sat and watched them what a great morning! Except....

Our driveway is circular. In the center of the circle I have a bed of Day Lillies.  When we moved in here there was a beautiful tree right in the middle of the circle. That tree was our one casualty of Isabell.There is a new tree growing there now. It isn't in the exact center.  That might not be a big deal to most people but lack of symmetry drives me nuts.  Everyone who knows me well knows I need things to be symmetrical.   At our former church we had these banners that hung on each side of the pulpit. They changed them with the season.  These things were so high it took an extension ladder to hang them.  Anyway one year when they took down the Christmas ones and put up the everyday ones they got one on the wrong hook and they weren't even.   I didn't hear a sermon from then till Easter when they changed them.  All I could think about every Sunday was that they weren't balanced.

Symmetry defined as: a sense of harmonious or aesthetically pleasing proportionality and balance.  This is what I need to feel at ease. So as I sit here trying to enjoy the rain, my pretty blooming azaleas and the wren family I am also trying not to look at the tree that is off center. I am trying to see the beauty not what I consider  imperfection.  And then I start to wonder why am I like that? 

Amy is always telling me that we both need balance. Neither one of us do balance very well. Funny thing is as much as we are alike we are often on the opposite ends of the seesaw when it comes to life. I think that is why we are friends.  We help balance each other out.

I am kind of an all or nothing kind of person.  That makes my life difficult in many ways. Because as Amy says, I am lacking balance. If I volunteer I volunteer too much. If I don't have time to do the big job I don't volunteer at all.  If I am cleaning, I deep clean. If I don't have time to deep clean I don't clean at all. When I am working I either work 60 hours a week and do nothing else or I don't work at all. When I diet I do it well and lose weight fast but I do nothing but plan meals and look for recipes and count calories all day.  I am either overly permissive with my kids or I am too strict. Go big or go home right?  The problem with this is that life doesn't work this way. I can't work on school work to the exclusion of housework. I can't volunteer to the exclusion of school work. I can't do housework to the exclusion of work. I need symmetry!

This got me to thinking that maybe I look for symmetry everywhere else because my spirit is craving it in my life. I don't believe God wants us to live life on a rollarcoaster. That is too exhausting. And that is what life without balance feels like. I am not sure what the answer is. There is a part of me that says you can't do things in half measures and if I can't focus all my efforts on one thing nothing will get done.  There is another part of me that knows it does no good to focus all my efforts on one thing if everything else is falling apart around me.   So I as I move into this new phase whether I end up working or not working I need to remember that this all or nothing thing isn't good. I need balance.  


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